You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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