Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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