just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
