Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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