Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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