I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
