My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
