You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
