Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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