I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
do herpes really smell.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Pants are for mortals
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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