Where did you get a picture of my penis
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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