Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She bit a glass in half.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
