I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
