just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
