i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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