I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
