It's like a parade of train wrecks.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
