i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
