so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
