I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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