Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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