I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
