No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
