a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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