Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
