She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Everything about him screamed your future.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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