you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
