my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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