And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
