There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I party with great urgency now.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
