thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
