Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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