He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
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