Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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