jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
