I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
false alarm, still single
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