wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
