your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
