the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
