Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
