why didn't you poke me back
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
