just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
