the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
