I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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