i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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