Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
i now understand why vodka
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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