Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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