hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
