I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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