Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
