he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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